Location: Greenville, SC
Date: January 22, 2011
Placing: 22nd Overall, 2nd Master, 1st 44+
Format: 5k Running Race
My Race Photos
Results: Click Here

My 3rd race in 3 weeks - this time a short, local event that is always fun and oddly enough...always cold. Go figure. I guess we forget that January is during what I like to call "Winter". Just because we have the word 'South' in our state name and 'Green' in our city name we have this belief that it should always be warm. I don't think we are fooling Mother Nature with that one - only ourselves. Of course, it could be worse. We often forget, it can ALWAYS be worse.

I've had a bit of a rougher start this year dealing with some lung issues that I still have trouble believing is 'allergy-induced asthma' - as it has officially been diagnosed. My skepticism derives mainly from the fact that it follows the rules of asthma about as much as 'carrot cake' follows the rules of 'deserts' (carrot cake is clearly a vegetable regardless of how you try to disguise the carrots). I feel more comfortable calling what I have 'alien bio-terrorism'. Anyway, this is the worst my alien bio-terrorism has been in 2 years and it's effects on me are minimal when you look at the big picture. But really, who's looking at the big picture. The total picture is that it makes me slower. Some would say I have no room to complain going from 1:16 half marathons to 1:20 half marathons but I would say I have 4 minutes room to complain...

But all of this is OK. It's OK because it helps to remind me that there are bigger fish to fry in our lives; more important things to focus on than just the second hand of a clock. There are things deep down in our hearts that make us run. Things that transcend winning. Today was not about a 16:45 time - or an award. No. Today was about a bigger goal. A goal from deep down inside me. With my wife Janis by my side at the start, I was there for one thing...and one thing only...to beat the cow.

One cow and you've got dinner. Two cows and you've got a herd

Two lungs, one lung, half a lung - there would be no excuses. Mano y Bovine. Now I have no beef with cows; so to speak. And Janis grew up around Wisconsin dairy farms. But do you know what I love more than cows? Chick-fil-a spicy chicken biscuits. Beat the cow = get free chicken biscuits. It's the kind of math that translates in every language. Let me bring you up to speed...

My friend Ashley - who used to work at Scansource with me and is a runner - now works for the Greenville News as an events coordinator. One of the events she works on is this race. A few weeks before the race she announced through Facebook that the Chick-fil-a cow would not only make an appearance this year but he would be running the race. Then came the real news. Beat the cow - get the goods. I got cocky and thought "that cow better be able to break 17 minutes or he'll be paying the piper and that's no bull". Then my friend started leaking some inside information. The "cow" typically runs a sub-16:00 5k. What?! I began to wonder - how much slower the "cow" will be with all his, uh, cow on.

Holy cow! Let's go "round 'em up" boys...

I started getting worried. I knew I was not at 100% and the last thing I wanted was to get my rump roasted by a cow. Plus I knew there was spicy chicken biscuit on the line. FREE spicy chicken biscuit. Did I mention, FREE? As we lined up, the cow emerged from the crowd and lined up in front of all of us. In the blink of an eye, the announcer mummbled something over the crowd about a head start and "BANG" the cow took off. "What?! Hey, they let the cow go early! That's a load of bull..." I looked around but it looked as if nobody cared. How could that be the case? They must have known about the FREE chicken within their grasps, no? I had no idea how much of a head start they were giving him but as the seconds - no minutes - ticked away, fear took control. When our gun finally went off it was like a stampede; I T-boned two kids and took off like I was possessed by Colonel Sanders. There were people all around me and yet nobody existed. Nobody except for the cow.

Moooooooooooo! ...and we're off

I had memorized my heartrate plan before the race but somewhere around mile one all I could think about was "cow, cow, cow,...". And then there he was. I was closing in on mile 2 when he was spotted. Actually, he was always spotted - but now I could see him. He was moooooving. I used the downhill to my advantage and was really hoofing it. Then I realized he was hoofing it 4 times as much. I made sure not to let him see my pain as I passed...there was so much at steak. I took the bull by the horns and gave a convincing burst.

And there it is. Just seconds ahead of 3rd place Master, Joe Hammond

I looked back only once as I ran down the finishing chute. I thought I herd him coming but victory was mine. I crossed the line in 17:41. It was utter elation. I think they tried to hand me a medal but I'm not sure because my eyes were like lasers fixated on the woman handing out the FREE chicken coupons - or as I call them, the FREE chicken trophies. Like a good competitor, I waited to watch the cow finish in an impressive 20 minutes or so (plus the 3 minute head start). I patted him on the back. I was milking this for all it was worth.

"What's that? Where's your brother? Oh, he's behind me. Why didn't you run? Oh I get it, too CHICKEN"

The victory was even sweeter when I received not one, but TWO free coupons attached to a small, plush, toy cow. Finally, something worthy to replace my 3rd place Ironman trophy. The cow stands majestically on the mantel; an ever-present reminder of the day I slaughtered the cow. Oh yeah, I was also the 2nd overall Master and got a beautiful piece of artwork to hang on the wall. I can't WAIT to get my chicken biscuits!

Biscuits for everyone!...well, by 'everyone' I mean 'everyone that beat the cow'...

Race Notes:
* Only 66 people beat the cow...which is less than the number of people who won awards.
* I continued a sort of one-on-one battle with another local Masters runner - Joe Hammond. I took less than 5 seconds out of Joe today. We had a good cooldown run together.
* My lung issues continue to show themselves in the form of slower times this year so far. Today, I was almost a minute slower than last year. That's nearly 20 seconds per mile. Stop and count to 20; it's a long time.

Next Up: the Green Valley 10-miler

Ed Hughes in his usual flairful fashion; dressed as "Captain Blue Shoes". He beat the cow - and won the 50+ age group